Tuesday, 13 February 2018

His life

I'm going to write about something. Something I hope you can understand.

I just listened to something.. I think it was Wayne Dyer. He said " my grandmother went into the hospital at 130 pounds, after her life left her, her body was still 130 pounds. ".

After my daddy passed away so quickly I thought I could never get over it.
Those first few days or maybe even months I felt the heart ache. My first love was gone.
Whatever he was to anyone, he was my daddy and I was his little girl. He worried about me right up to those last hours of his life. Something I thought was silly.  Until recently my son was in a accident, and whatever his age or our relationship his well being will always be number one to me. I get that now Dad.
I called you that night and you didn't answer. And now looking back I know I couldn't have done anything for you. Since you've passed I think I've had this conversation with you often.
And I know it's ok.

My birthday rolled around a few short months after you died. And I wanted to be with you. So I drove to Cartwright to celebrate my birthday with you.
I went to your grave that cold December morning. The sun was shining so pretty on your cross through the trees. And immediately I knew you weren't there. That you were with me everywhere now. I didn't need to look for you.. your body was placed there. But your spirit lives on, and In us , your children, And your grandchildren.

I speak to him often and ask for advice. And his answer most always was and in my mind will be ...  "well do it, if that's what you want, do it".
It took me a long time to get back to Cartwright that last couple of years, I guess knowing your physical body wasn't there to cook me some good grub, or make me a cup of coffee while we sat and watch Archie Bunker.

I wonder sometimes if I'm cold to people who need me to be more sensitive. If my blunt truth is sometimes too harsh. And I wonder if people think it's weird I stopped grieving you. Or that I think it's time to move on.
I certainly think of you alot, I wish often we had more time.
But not once did I think you left me.
I dwell in the fact you're always with me. How lucky am I, to have you watching over us.
Thanks for that too Dad.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this. I guess this is how i handle my grief.  I keep living.

Stay Tuned ~lc

Tuesday, 6 February 2018

Positive Thoughts.

I'm sure you've all heard and read " Change how you think, and things will change for you".
Everything is all a complete mind set. 
When you sit and think in doubt or lack. You live it.  When you see yourself living the way you want , it happens. You become your thoughts.  
Of course none of this is without hard work and determination to yourself and your goals. 

Is there something you truly want?  A goal? A dream? But you haven't been trying to make it happen because you're scared of what others think or of the time it will take to attain your goals.  You need to write it down. Say it out loud. Then write down what you need to do in small baby steps and then accomplish each step. One thing at a time. 
And the more you accomplish these baby steps, you'll see yourself coming closer to you dreams coming true. 

Who am I to say this?  Well I'm the girl that was pregnant in high school. The girl who didn't finish high school. I choose to be a stay at home mom and work all kinds of jobs to help make ends meet for my family.  
I never thought I could go back to finish my high school. I thought it was too hard. 
But thankfully I surrounded myself with good people that encouraged me to want and do more for myself. 
I seen myself improving. Moving forward. I listened to my own thoughts. Positive thoughts.  

I'm so late starting a career.
 We're not all meant to be the same and walk the same paths. This is my time now. 
When I thought I wasn't capable.  But I changed my mind. I seen myself right where I wanna be. The doors opened for me because I wanted to open them. And I did and I walked right though. 

Luck is preparation meeting a moment of opportunity. 
I made my opportunities happen. And you can too. Believe in the power of your thoughts. 
Put yourself in line for your success. Write shit down. Check shit off. And pat your own damn back. 

I don't know who's reading this. But I'd love a comment from someone. 
I know I'm so random. But I write only how I feel at the time

Stay Tuned 

Sunday, 4 February 2018

Time to Blog.

I'm thinking this is why it took me 6 years to write another blog.
My thoughts are so random how do I pick one topic and stay with it.

Well, someone mentioned to me that "live" videos are kind of a blog.
And maybe he's right, but I'm not sure if I can do a live without repeating myself over and over. This way I can edit myself. And I actually do like writing...
like this so far as been all so random.

Maybe I can talk about " don't eat yellow snow"
I mean this is great advice.  But why eat snow anyway?!?!
I remember when we were kids our parents always told us not to eat snow.
There were "worms" in it. Like really parents.
But there is a "bug" on some plants that actually evaporate with water and returns in rain or in a snow flake. Maybe our parents were onto something after all.

I also was trying to come up with a story of why I like taking photographs so much.
And when and where there this hobby started.
When I was maybe 8 or 9 years old I asked for a Kodak camera that you needed a flash
bar for. I do remembering being given one, it was pink.
I always wanted to develop my own film. Haven't gotten that far yet. But I will.I also would burn through anyone's  Polaroid film that I could get my hands on.
The love of it has never left me for sure.
I think my photos could also be considered a blog. How I see things.

And then lastly, my motivation to move. I could go on about this topic for days.
And maybe I will write soon just about things that motivate me or inspire me.
But for now, today this is all I got.
I guess, I need to find my writing inspiration too.

Oh yeah, too. I finally learned how to change my profile picture.

Stay tuned.

Tuesday, 30 January 2018

Well. Talk about the highs and lows of life.
Friday 19-01-18 I was swearing my oath to the Queen as Canada's newest member to the Canadian Air Reserves. What a honour. 
My hard persistants paid off.
Today 21-01-18 48 hours later I receive a phone call from my son's girlfriend, Chelsea.
Asking me not to cry... But my son was hit by a car and is in the emergency department at the hospital.
Oh my heart.
I cried and I cried out of complete nervous panic and frustration that I couldn't get to his side quickly enough.
A 3 hour plane ride that wouldn't leave until 4 hours from now.
Panic. Scared. Nervous. All on the inside.. was flowing over.. it came out. I had to ask for help. I suddenly didn't know how to even use the telephone anymore.  Who do I call.. Tracey. And all I can muster for words were " I need to get on a plane and I don't know how"
My anxious over flowed to Sasha . She was crying. I hated she felt these nervous feelings as well.
I spoke with the doctor. He has a fractured skull. He's bleeding from his ear.  What the hell does all of this mean.
It doesn't matter, I need to go. He's my baby. I need to help make him better.

Flying on a plane back to Goose Bay.
Daniel is still in the hospital.  He as some damage done to his ear.  Recovery time , seems to have slowed time to a complete hault.
He's frustrated and has had enough of that place.
I hated leaving him, but knowing he's in the right place for care. Chelsea takes such good care of him. It makes me happy to know he has that love a support from such a good girl.
The week was full of alot of emotions. But I have to say relief and thankfulness are the ones that I feel most .

I wrote this a week ago. I'm just remembering to post now.
It was a roller coaster.
Thank God he is recovering  and things will be back to "normal" before too long.

Thursday, 18 January 2018

It's been awhile.

I'm nearly 6 years late..
So much to blog these days.  I don't even know where to begin?!
Anyone still out there? 
I've reread my blogs from the past and I see I've done a lot of growing.
I know I am not the same person. Heck I don't even recognize that girl in my
Profile photo. ( reminder to update asap )

Tomorrow is a big day. Another new change. 

I'll be back. I have too much to share now to wait another 6 years.

Stay Tuned.


Saturday, 18 February 2012

Julie & Julia

My reason for blogging. The movie that made me want to blog.
My inspiration. Now. If I can only be lucky enough to find the words.